Years of bonding

I was reading through this blog, and looking at pictures with Kate. Last year I wrote about things she was or wasn't doing.

I'll do a whole different post another day on things she's doing. Tonight I just want to share one....one that many might think is crazy.

In the last year, during her year of being a 5 year old....and 4th year home with us, she decided to begin co sleeping with us.

I have no idea how it started. Quinn had been sleeping with us. That's a whole story in itself I'll share another time. For some reason Quinn moved to Kate's bed (the bottom bunk) and Kate moved in here.

Why is this significant??

When I brought Kate home I had to sit with her facing away from me in a rocking chair to feed her a bottle. She slept in a crib, in a pitch dark room with no noise. She had to go to bed at the same time every night and nap every day. Our unscheduled lives became a giant schedule around Kate.

And still, she woke every single night for a solid year. Not only did she wake, but she'd stay awake for 2,3,4 hours!!! I tried everything. Every thing. Ignoring her, going to her, feeding her, not feeding her, nap, no nap. I put a TV in her room and let her watch it. I got in her crib. I slept on her floor. I rocked her. I took her out to the couch.

Finally my doctor said, if she's happy...just leave her.

Do you have any idea how devastating it is to have your child sit alone in a crib, in the dark, across the hall for 2,3,4 hours and be awake....yet not cry???

Some nights Kate would wake screaming. I'd run (RUN) in and turn on the lights. Thankfully, she would calm once she got her bearings and realized where she was.

Right around a year home it was like a switch was flipped. She just started sleeping. I have no reason why. Nothing occurred. Nothing changed. It just happened.

I put a nightlight in her room. 

Soon, she started asking for the door to be left open. I used to sit in my bed and wave to her as she peeked at me.

She stayed in her crib a long time. We moved her from the crib right to the bunk bed, and it was an effortless transition. It was even a different room! We put a gate in the door and she would stay right in the bed.

Now she is here with me. For about 6 months now.

Why is that big?

We can look back and follow the progression of her attachment. She now sleeps right up against me. My child who calls all the shots on "touch." 

The other morning I got up, she woke and called for me. I came back to bed, she fell to sleep for another hour and fifteen minutes.

Before, when we tried co sleeping, she would go crazy in bed. She climbed all over, hit, pinched, pulled hair. Now? She plasters into the small of my back.

Or.....I can even cuddle her. I can breathe in that baby head scent and ponder the miracle of this child born on the other side of the world, gifted to me as we figure this unchoreograped dance.