have no expectations.

I can only write a super extremely quick post. And really it is more for me than anyone else.

Christmas used to always be about thinking of my paternal grandfather and how he died right before Christmas when I was 3. I got a kitchen set and Sesame Street pajamas that year.

But, 4 years ago we had decided to switch to a special needs adoption and we said we would take a "hand or arm deformity." The reason being, I had a little girl in a private swim lesson at the pool who was Asian who was missing her arm from the elbow down. And I thought, sure, we could do that. Ron agreed.

Now, in hind site...who knows.

I was Christmas shopping at a Walmart alone in the electronics section and the store worker was helping me. He had a deformed arm from the elbow down (not Asian.)  It was extremely humbling. And I was like....OK God....we are ready for this if this is what you have for us.

It is one thing to get a list from the agency with all the special needs and read through and check off what you'll take.

It is kind of pitiful really.

It is another to be standing with a person and be thinking.....this would be our life.

In the end the special need wasn't even the issue. We got thrown a huge curve ball we couldn't even anticipate...and THAT is what I would tell ALL adoptive parents.

Like a birth child, you cannot anticipate what an adoptive child will come home with. You just need to be ready and willing to accept anything and work with it.

The Christmas season reminds me of that guy at Walmart and how God asked...are you really ready?

I think we were.