Day nine and we are back to Sunday again. What a cRaZy day at church.
Kate woke up at 4:45. She came to my doorway and asked, "sleep mama's bed?" Which is HUGE (huge huge) for her. HUGE.
She has just transitioned into a "big girl bed." She was 4 in March, but was a preemie. We got her at 13 months old...but she was more like an 8 month old. She as been in our family for 3 years and 7 months. So that would be her "family age" and really her age. Then factor in the preemie thing. She is not a typical 4 year old at all.
Anyway, she will not get out of her bed when she wakes up, I have to go get her. That seems like a good thing, but it is actually kind of annoying. I tell her when she wakes up to just come find mama, but she never does, she just waits for me. When she was a baby I could set her places and she wouldn't move. It was so weird. I always knew I could put her on a chair and she'd sit there and not fall off. It was an orphanage thing....or something. I had her in a gymnastics class for a little while. It did help her learn to move around and climb. So, this morning she actually got out of bed AND came to my room....in the dark!
I should have known it was going to be a rough day.
So, I'm assuming the key to throwing everything off is the fact that my parents stopped over last night. They are not around the girls that much, so a change in routine like that would throw Kate off. My parents have never watched the girls or kept them alone or anything like that. Kate does not do very well having people in our house. She also doesn't do very well having her routine changed or having people touch or hold her.
I never know how she is going to do. Sometimes she seems totally fine (like last night.) But then we pay for it in horrible behavior for the next day or two (like this morning.)
My parents do not "get" at all that this happens. I could go into the whole thing but it isn't worth it, and it's an open blog.
Because Kate and Quinn are "cute," people want to talk to them and see them and be in general friendly with them. Which is nice and very kind.
The problem is, 99% of people we are around do not understand the devastation trauma has inflicted on the children. What appears to be "bad" or "poor" behavior is really fear or terror. I have a preemie who I have no clue what medical interventions she endured as a newborn. I don't know where she was the first few months of her life, and then I went and took her from her only caregivers in a very, very small orphanage. She is afraid, of everything, all the time.
Then I have a child who was found as a scrawny 5 pounder on a roadside who came into a large orphange and spent most of her time either in a crib or a walker. She was with many children all the time and had to squawk to get what she wanted. She makes her wants known loudly. She is the boss, she takes care of herself, and she takes care of anyone else who will allow it (which is a whole other problem in itself.....not a SERVANT, a sad, broken, child who never had a mother to care for her so who had to care for herself.)
Church=not much fun today while the girls were there.
I am glad I am in a place where I can care for the girls as needed. I do not need to force them into classes or programs where they are uncomfortable. We have a church where they can just stay with me for as long as they need to. It floors me to even consider Kate would be a kindergartner next year. We are so not even near that yet. There was a dad of a 16 year old adopted Chinese girl who came an talked with me this morning when he saw Kate having her melt down. Their daughter has come a LONG way (at least from what he has said.) I guess that gives me....not really hope, but assurance. She isn't always going to scream her head off, hit, bite, and kick. She may eventually walk independently into the church and go off on her own without me being terrified of what will happen. A *really* foreign thought right now.
And I'm sick of giving the whole big speech to everyone of why she is like she is.
Her heart is broken and I am trying hard to fix it. End of story.
The rest of our Sunday is......wait for this.......
EMPTY!!!!!!!!
Well, Mason is watching.....correction.....listening to....the Browns!
No comments:
Post a Comment